What would Jesus do about someone who wronged you and will not apologize?
Jesus gave an unusually concrete process for this. Go to the person privately first. If that fails, bring one or two others. If that fails, involve the wider community. He assumed some people would not make it right, and he still put the first move on you, alone and in private, before anyone else knows.
What Jesus said
Matthew 18 is one of the few places where Jesus lays out something close to a procedure. The first step is private and direct. Not a group chat, not a third party, not a public post. You and them.
The escalation is deliberate and slow. Only if the private conversation fails do you widen it, and only slightly at first. The whole design protects the person you are confronting from unnecessary exposure while still taking the wrong seriously.
He is realistic about the ending. Some people will not listen at any stage. He names that outcome directly rather than promising the process always works.
Alongside this he says to forgive repeatedly, and in Luke 17 he pairs rebuke and forgiveness in the same instruction. Both. Say the thing, and be ready to release it.
The hard part
You go first even when you did nothing wrong, and you go privately even when they wronged you publicly. There is no version of this teaching where you get to wait for them to move, and there is no version where broadcasting it comes early. That is costly, and it means most of the work happens with no witnesses and no credit.
What this looks like today
- •Have the private conversation you have been avoiding. That is step one and most people skip straight past it.
- •Say the specific thing that happened rather than a general accusation about their character.
- •Decide in advance that you will release it regardless of how they respond. The outcome of the conversation does not control that part.
Matthew 18:15-20, Luke 17:3-4, Matthew 5:23-24
Go deeper: this comes up in the 40 days